Salary Negotiation: What Most People Get Wrong (From a Former Recruiter)

I spent years on the hiring side of the table, which means I spent years on the other end of salary negotiations. I've made offers, I've received counter-offers, and I've sat in the internal conversations where the decision was made about how much room there actually was.

Here is the single most useful thing I can tell you: the room was almost always bigger than the candidate thought. And the candidates who got the most out of it weren't the most aggressive ones. They were the ones who understood what was actually being decided, and by whom.

This post is what I'd tell a friend the night before they negotiate a tech offer.

The mindset trap almost everyone falls into

Before we get to tactics, we have to deal with the feeling — because the feeling is what loses most negotiations before they start.

When you receive an offer, your brain processes it as a reward. You relax. The threat of the job search is over. And then, immediately, a second signal kicks in: if you push back, you might lose it. The loss of the offer now feels much bigger than the gain of a higher one would. This is loss aversion — a well-documented bias that makes losses feel roughly twice as painful as equivalent gains feel good.

Your brain is effectively saying: don't jeopardise what you have. This is why so many smart, capable people accept the first number without asking for more. It isn't weakness. It's physiology.

The reframe that helps: companies do not rescind offers because a candidate negotiated professionally. I can think of approximately zero times I saw this happen in years of recruiting. Negotiation is an expected part of the process. Hiring managers budget for it. The question is not whether you will negotiate. It's whether you will negotiate well.

The five mistakes I watched cost candidates the most

1. Giving a number first

The oldest rule in negotiation is still the most violated. Whoever says a number first anchors the conversation around that number. If the recruiter asks your salary expectations before they've made an offer, your job is to gently deflect.

What actually works, in plain language:

"I'd rather understand the full scope of the role first, and hear what range you have in mind for someone with my experience. I'm confident we can find a number that works for both of us."

Say this calmly. Do not apologise for saying it. They will ask once. If they ask a second time, and you really must answer, give a wide range anchored at the top of what you think is realistic. Never give a single number.

2. Negotiating against yourself

This is the thing that made me sigh most often as a recruiter. A candidate would tell us their target was €90k. We'd come back with €85k. And instead of countering at €92k or €95k, they'd say "could we do €87k?"

They'd just negotiated against themselves. They'd moved toward us without us moving toward them.

When you receive an offer you want to improve, counter with a specific higher number and a reason. Not a range. A number. Then stop talking.

3. Focusing only on base salary

Base is the most obvious lever, so it's the one people pull. But the full compensation picture usually includes:

• Signing bonus. Often the easiest thing for a company to move on, because it comes out of a different budget and isn't a permanent cost.
• Equity or stock grants. Sometimes more movable than base, especially at startups.
• Annual bonus target. Worth asking what it's been historically.
• Paid time off. An extra week is real money.
• Learning and development budget. Ask. Get it in writing.
• Start date. If you can delay your start by two weeks and use the time well, that has real value.
• Title. Costs the company nothing and can be worth a lot at your next move.
• Work setup. Home office budget, equipment, travel expectations.

Good negotiators don't just push on one number. They ask, "what else is moveable?" — and something almost always is.

4. Making it personal

Things that make recruiters want to give you less: bringing up your rent, your student loans, the salary your friend just got, the cost of living in your city. None of these are the company's problem, and framing them that way reads as emotional rather than professional.

Things that make recruiters want to give you more: market data, the specific scope of the role as it's been described, the value you've delivered in past roles, another offer if you have one. These are all things that help the recruiter make the case internally. Remember: your recruiter is usually on your side. Their job is easier if they can go to the hiring manager with a strong rationale. Give them one.

5. Accepting too quickly

When you get a verbal offer, the temptation is to say yes on the spot. Don't. Saying "thank you — this is great news. Can I take 24 or 48 hours to review and come back to you?" is not only acceptable, it's expected. No reasonable company will be offended. And those 24 hours are when the real negotiation happens — because you can think clearly, look at numbers on paper, and craft your counter without the dopamine hit of the offer call clouding your judgement.

What to actually say

Here is a simple script that works for most tech counter-offers:

"Thank you so much for the offer — I'm genuinely excited about the role and the team. I've had a chance to review everything carefully, and based on my research on the market for this level and my experience with [specific relevant thing], I was hoping we could get the base to [X]. I'd also love to understand whether there's flexibility on the signing bonus and the equity grant. If we can land close to that, I'm ready to sign."

Break it down:

• Enthusiasm first. You want the job. Say so. This removes any fear that you're fishing.
• Anchor on a reason, not a feeling. Market, scope, experience. Not "I need."
• One specific ask on base, plus a broader ask on other levers.
• Close with intent. "I'm ready to sign" tells them this is a real negotiation, not a stall. Recruiters have a lot of candidates stalling. They will prioritise the one who has said they'll sign.

The thing most people don't know

Recruiters are often your allies in this, not your opponents. Their job is to close you. If you give them a reasonable ask with a clear rationale, they will often go to bat for you internally — because it's easier for them to advocate than to restart the process with a new candidate.

Be firm, be specific, and be warm. That combination wins almost every time.

People also ask

How much should I negotiate up from an initial offer? A reasonable counter in tech is usually 10–20% on base, more if the initial offer was noticeably below market. Back it up with data — sites like Levels.fyi and Glassdoor are genuinely useful for tech roles.

Will the company rescind the offer if I negotiate? Almost never, if you negotiate professionally. If they do, that's extremely useful information about what it would have been like to work there.

Should I negotiate if I don't have another offer? Yes. You don't need a competing offer to ask for more. You need market data and a clear rationale. Negotiating without a second offer is still expected in tech.

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If you want help with this

The night before a negotiation is one of the highest-leverage moments in a career — and one where an hour of prep can be worth thousands. I coach people through exactly this, often in a single session ahead of an offer call. If you've got an offer landing soon and you want to walk in clear-headed, book a free discovery call — we can line up a focused session before your next conversation with the recruiter.

If you're still earlier in the process, the piece to read first is How to Prepare for a Job Interview in Tech. And if it's the "asking for more" part that feels hardest, not the tactics, it's worth looking at what your brain is actually doing when that voice says "don't push".